09/26/2012 13:14

Too tired for my body

Tired has become my new response to "How are you?"  It's the reply to the casual passer-by, the phone caller beginning a conversation or the concerned friend noting the black circles under my eyes.  It is not about getting so many hours of sleep; it is more about the amount of energy allocated in ratio to the actual amount of energy I have.  I have always been a very active individual, but lately my need for lounging on a worn, comfortable couch is becoming overwhelming and highly desirable in a craving- chocolate-kind-of-way.  But then my hunger for rest is interrupted by a cry for a drink, a sticky table that needs cleaning, a plea for a playmate, or a pile of laundry to fold.  When the concealer under my eyes is about an inch thick I make an effort to prioritize my duties in three categories-those that must be done Now, those that can wait Another day and those that can be done when there is Available time.  It all seems to work nicely and I begin to feel less stressed and exhausted until the final category is staring at you in the form of a stack of bills, dustballs floating around the house like little creatures, and magazines dating 2010 that have never been removed from the plastic wrap.  Taking care of "S" is time-consuming in a way that I do not remember with my two biological children.  They were brought up by a full time working mother, as well as a commited and an active participant in the military community and church.  "S' does not know that woman and will be in disbelief when her father tells her stories of when I was full of pep and juggled 10 tasks in day with the agility of an athlete.  My concentration has dwindled to entertaining "S", managing the home and yard and answering e-mails.  I am always on the go, and finally sit when it is time to recline in the horizontal position for snoozing, and left wondering what I have accomplished in 24 hours. I am reminded that I am not as young as I used to be and glare at those who bring this fact up like it is a startling revelation.  I actually do not buy this rationale because I hear mothers half my age using the "T" word as often as I.  This tired state has more to do with the way I am rearing "S" then my chronological age.  It is a case of too much knowledge.  When I nurtured my own two children, I was flying by the seat of my pants and they could barely hold on.  After 35 years of studying and eventually teaching parenting classes, I realize the attention "S" needs for a healthy and balanced development and add that to a few of my own activities and the total spells o-v-e-r-w-o-r-k-e-d.  I once overheard a young mother state that a full time job was easier and less tiring than the full time care of a baby and I have to agree wholeheartedly.  That is of course if I had the energy to do so!!   

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