08/20/2012 21:51

The best made plans

I had a plan.  It was quite simple, nothing elaborate, complex  or even interesting.  I was to grow up, go to college as soon as I figured out how to pay for this endeavor, get married, have children, balance a career as a teacher and mother, and then for the grand finale--retire to do whatever I darn well pleased after years of all this work!.  The plan left out all the roller coaster, cup and saucer and twister rides of this fantasy, but it did not matter, because after thirty- five years of answering to the call of someone, anyone or everybody, I was going to retire and do whatever I wanted, when I wanted and how I wanted to do it.  It was late mornings in my bathrobe, late nights watching reality TV, reading a book from front to cover in a day, or attending a class on Italian cooking time of life.  I had risen each morning to walk toward the light at the end of the tunnel and the glow of its rays was finally upon my face.  And then I got the call or rather the plea for help, the "I want to change my life around Mom" that I heard a thousand times before.  It was going to mean a move back home and the full time care of a baby.  A child I hardly knew, but worried about incessantly, was going to crawl into my kitchen and steal my heart and my retirement.  I was torpedoed back thirty-five years after the birth of my first child, but I was now arthritic, gray, dystonic in my upper shoulders and neck, out of shape, out of a regular paycheck and barely catching my breath from cleaning out my office.  I was going to do what I swore I would "never do".  I was going to raise a granchild, a baby girl, nine months old with a short past of chaos and confusion.  I would surrender the control of my days to the needs of a baby, cry for loss, but mostly for joy, and now answer to the name Nani-Mommy.....





Garden Ridge, Texas